So last night was rough, lots of craving, the urge to binge was strong and kept coming back over and over. But...I beat it. With the encouragement of a good Ana friend, Maise, and the mind numbing awesomeness of "The L Word" :) haha I <3 Kate Moennig, she plays Shane. Gorgeous, thinspiration, and just an all around amazing actress. I feel empty right now, which is awesome as well. Probably gunna pop a Hydroxy Cut before I leave for work. Gosh I hate work more and more these days yet need it more and more. It's insane.
I guess I don't "hate" work, I just feel less and less like being there is valuable to me surviving. lol. I know right, that's dumb. Truth be told I guess I just have my focus on other things right now. I am leaving in 2 weeks, the album will be done, time to head out. North Carolina first, then home to Nashville for just a couple months, then onto the West Coast for an 8 month tour. Crazy eh?
I wanted to say real quick, just to clear any confusion up...I am an Ana, but I do not consider myself to have the actual mental disorder that goes with Anorexia. Mainly cause I don't "Starve" myself. I do random cleansing fasts, fruits, veggies, lemon juice, curry, cayenne, etc...and I believe in lots of vitamins, more of them than food, lots of water, get protien from healthier places than fatty meats, I just have high health standards, yes being thinner is super important to me, and yes I am an Ana, I support and understand the mindset of food fears, looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, etc...I just don't plan on trying to reach 70lbs and die. Between 110 and 120 is fine for me, hell even 130 would be cool :) haha I have been heavy my whole life, and Ana gave me strength to fight that with a lot of clarity. "People over eat all the time, this country's ideas of what a normal portioned meal is, is atrocious." Truer words could never have been spoken.
Just wanted to interject that, now I am gunna chew on some lettuc before I gotta get ready for work. <3
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